Well yesterday we got the news that we really didn't want. We had hoped that the tamoxifen was holding it all at bay as apart from tiredness I have been feeling really well. It's strange how a question from the consultant of "and how are you?" can start the alarm bells ringing. Apparently the cells in my liver have grown and that is not good. It means that for the next 3 weeks until I can start chemo, it has free reign to work its evil unchecked, as there is no point in me carrying on with the tamoxifen as it isn't doing any good, but at least I felt as though it was. I have probably spent most of the last day and a half in tears. I can't believe this is happening to me, what have my family done to deserve this, how can there be a god? All these questions have been racing through my head. I am so lucky to have the most amazing family and friends, my house is starting to look like a flower shop, and I know I won't be left alone for long. They know I dislike my own company at the best of times. I need to find my fighting spirit again as without it I don't stand a chance, it is missing at the moment though, lost in action, with support it will be back, it is just taking a while.
End of first blog, when I am feeling up to it I might let you know what led to all this, and a mis diagnosis that has made everything more difficult.
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