Feeling down

Oh dear another negative blog, this is becoming too much of a habit.  But it is somewhere to vent how I am feeling and at the moment I am feeling like the bottom of the pile.  I had been looking forward to the bank holiday weekend taking my mind off the impending consultants appointment. (Keep positive everyone says, I haven't really had the experiences to support that being a suitable idea.)  My cousin who was coming up for an Elvis evening and coming to see my fave local band has been offered overtime.  So I am now feeling very much neglected.  I have enjoyed two weekends in Portsmouth and two lunches with my amazing friends and that is pretty much the whole holiday.  I have an amazing weekend in London to look forward to, and maybe I shouldn't expect too much of the summer holidays, but Geraldine my C buddy is the only person who seems to understand the importance of time and experiences and how short a time we have on this planet.  I hate going to the consultants, I know that one day they will tell me what they have told Geraldine that,  "this is how much time you have" every time I go I have this sense of impending doom, that this is the time they will say it.  It terrifies me I am not ashamed to say.  I was hoping that the bank holiday weekend was going to be so much fun and so busy that I would be able to put it to the back of my mind.  Mattie has been invited to go to Reading festival that weekend now and my plans have been brushed to one side,  it seems like I have spent most of the holidays sat on here, on face book just waiting for that appointment.  London will give me a couple of busy days, though at the back of my mind will be the sad thought that it will probably be the last time I meet up with the Aussies.  Sad rant over, need to pull my socks up and put my smile back on my face even though I really don't feel it.