a need to clear my head

I was so proud of my hubby before christmas when he did the santa run, he told me off for sponsoring him more than he thought I could afford, and in retrospect it turns out he was right.  He hasn't been able to collect all the sponsorship and although it is only a fiver here and a fiver there I couldn't see the charity miss out and so I have paid it, there goes my relaxation fund, and during treatment that fund is essential.  My advice to anyone is that if you are asked to sponsor someone only say yes if you actually have the money in your purse.  Time slips and it gets forgotten, and most people are like me and won't let the charity miss out,  I ended up spending more than double my donation.  I don't mind but that money was to help me.  That sounds selfish I know.  If your priority is your family (and it should be) then please don't pledge a sponsorship unless you are handing over the cash at the time.

My other bug bear at the moment is people who kindly offer to visit anytime, but then when I do feel the need to ask, they are busy, I understand you are all busy so it would be better if you you just phoned and turned up, or just turned up, especially when I was unable to drive.  I will sit back and wait for the proper invite when you really are free, because, it does hurt if you have to turn me down, I only ask when I really need it, but I can't face asking any more, know I love you, know I miss you, know that unless I am at hospital or uni on a Tuesday, or at hospital on a Wednesday I can usually make myself free to see you.

I am not winning this battle yet, most times after a scan I am told that cancer is gaining ground, I need to turn that around, I have too much to do, I have my degree to finish, I have grandchildren to meet, see off to nursery, and school, marry and present children of their own.  That is all pie in the sky at the moment, short term plan has to be, finish my degree, celebrate my beautiful daughter's 21st and go to graduation.  Then we can start thinking a bit further ... I hope!