The appointment we never wanted to have

Well yesterday we went for the most recent scan result, and we haven't really stopped crying since.  I need to speak to a few more people properly before I tell you exactly how it went.  Suffice to say we have come home with liquid morphine and them wishing to refer us to a whole lot more people.  Hubby has decided not to go to work today, he has decided that I need him here.  And without me telling him the whole story 19 year old son has done the same, I think he has guessed from the little I did say, and the amount of crying that has gone on.  Ok so I am ready to tell you now, they were ready to tell me how long I had left when we went on Tuesday.  I declined, as I believe that if you accept what they tell you it becomes a self full-filling prophecy, my GP and my daughter agree, I still need to be around for my hubby, daughter and son.  They aren't getting a great deal of support, especially hubby, my friends are being more supportive to him than the people who should be.   I saw my GP since and he was given a bit more of the story than I was, they were suggesting to him that I might be able to have some palliative chemo, to help with pain and things.  They also want to refer me to palliative care in the community for when IV morphine is required, they have now prescribed me liquid morphine.  Anyway we went back on Friday and thankfully she has found a treatment that might still be able to stop it progressing as quickly, and I am still hoping that we can gain control.   She has rushed me in to Yeovil hospital for the first appointment as Musgrove can't fit me in for several weeks, and she says she needs to get me started asap, if we have any hope of this having a chance. I have to keep trying to be optimistic, though it is getting more difficult.  I still have too many things to do to stop actively fighting this thing and only fight the pain.  Though the pain is getting difficult too.